Monday, June 29, 2009

Ramblings

I'm not questioning God's sovereignty or the fact that He has plans for me to prosper. But I feel like sometimes God's will doesn't happen. And it's not because He can't make it happen. It's just that sometimes something else happens. It's the way it is.


Take for instance (and this is on a small scale): I'm currently looking for a job. Well, I want a job and I need a job and I want it to be something I'll enjoy. I consider myself to be a person who has faith, but I'm not sure that I'll get a job. I think that I may not find a job. I think that I may find a job in 4 months, which means 4 months without an income and that doesn't feel like such perfect timing to me. I think that I may find a job and turn out absolutely hating it.


Would any of this be God's will? Maybe. Or maybe not.


On a larger, more serious scale, is it God's will for someone to go off the deep end and never come back to Him? Is that God's timing working everything out perfectly? I don't think so. Yet this happens. And we toss out phrases like, "He'll come back to God. It's all in God's timing and God's way." But something inside me is not satisfied with this answer. Something inside me protests, "But he might not." And if he doesn't, this does not mean that God is not God or that God is not loving or that God is not all-powerful. It's just the way things go sometimes. And I don't really understand why. People say it's about free will and I do believe that.


I guess I just feel like if our faith is based on this presumption that things will always turn out well, that I will get a job and it'll feel like perfect timing and it'll be the perfect job for me, that my friends who have walked away from God will come back to Him, that my kids will all turn out perfectly, that all of life will just flow and feel right, if my faith is based on that, then I'm bound to stop believing eventually. Right? I'm bound to stop believing that God is good, that He is love, that He is in control.


Maybe I'm a skeptic.


I know my faith isn't as strong as it should be.


I know my theology is flawed.


But I also know that I have to deal with these issues because if I act like I don't feel these things, my faith will be as shallow as a puddle.


-Laurel

1 comment:

Stacy said...

Laurel, I really enjoyed your thought provoking "Ramblings"! I've had some of the very same thoughts and questions and He has given me clarity in the verse..."He works all things together for good FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE" That 2nd part was the clarity for me. Those who choose to turn away from Him, do not love Him. (But it's never too late for a heart to soften.. keep praying!) And HIS purpose is always for SPIRITUAL good, that we and others would seek Him and draw near to Him. If physical prosperity (finding a job that you love) will bring you and others spiritual prosperity (drawing closer to Him) then THAT is His will. But if the struggle of living without that job will bring about the spiritual good that He desires in us... then THAT is His good and perfect will. From an eternal perspective... it's only the spiritual that matters. I'm praying that He will bless you by first, drawing you even closer to Him, and second, by providing that wonderful job that you will enjoy. Love you! ~S

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