Sometimes I have those days or those moments when I get jealous. It usually has to do with acting. See, I absolutely love acting. Before moving back to central California a year ago, I spent five years in LA pursuing the acting gig. Three of those years were in college getting a B.A. in Theatre Arts while acting on the side and two of those years were fully pursuing the dream. God blessed me with some amazing opportunities in professional theatre and in the independent film world. And with some amazing opportunities to love people in His name.
But then God changed my dreams. Well, I guess He didn't change them, He just sort of re-prioritized them. He moved the acting dream down a few notches and in its place, He put adoption and helping the orphans of the world. To be honest, it was very difficult and sometimes still is for me to choose to walk away from Hollywood and be a stay-at-home mom. Not that I wish for a moment I was still acting instead of raising my son. It's just that sometimes I really really miss it. But God has shown me that right now, He wants me to adopt and raise a family. I might return to really pursuing acting later in life, but for now, this is my full-time gig.
Today I was reading about a friend of mine who is really starting to make it in Hollywood. And I got jealous. I was happy for him, but jealous. I missed it all over again.
And then the Lord reminded me. He reminded me why I am doing what I'm doing, why I will continue to adopt, why this dream of caring for orphans took priority in my heart.
He reminded me of that through this article about orphanages in Eastern Europe. I encourage you to read it although it makes me sick to my stomach. This is the link:
There is so much need and so much pain in our world. Sometimes it overwhelms me as I don't know how much I can help. Then I hold my son and I remember how the Lord is using me every day. And I think, "I could do this again."
And I want to make it clear that I have many friends still pursuing acting and music and things of that nature because they are called to do that and the Lord has placed it on their hearts to glorify Him and to impact the world through that venue. But I realized that I had become more passionate about orphans than about impacting Hollywood for Christ. And I realized that maybe God doesn't call us to do just one thing with our lives. Maybe He changes our "calling" in a way. Maybe He puts us in one area to impact the world for Him for a time, and then He moves us to a different area. And maybe He'll move us back one day. Or maybe He has something completely different coming. We're just along for the ride.