Can I tell you why I'm nervous lately? We have officially begun the matching process for our second adoption, which means it could be any day that we receive an email saying, "we think you and this child might be supposed to become a family" or something to that effect.
Exciting, to be sure!
But then E decides to get into this habit where he wakes up for the day at 4:30 am every morning for a week now. As I'm laying next to him trying to coax him back to sleep I'm thinking about a baby across the hall who starts crying and then Chris has to get up even though it's his day to sleep and now nobody gets to sleep...ever. (The mind exaggerates!)
And then Chris is tired from working two jobs and studying to become a personal trainer and I'm tired from life and all its demands and I'm thinking about starting all over again with the attachment process and sleepless nights and crying that I can't figure out how to stop and having to remind family that the new baby needs some time just us so he/she can understand what parents are, etc., etc., etc.
So I'm nervous. Chris is nervous. Amidst our giddiness, we mutter things to each other like, "Are you sure we're ready?"
But today God is reminding me that risky business is what we're about as Christians. That life should not be easy or comfortable or sensible. That those fears are my weaknesses and that's when God's power is perfect, right?
So today I will trust that the Lord will make us the parents we need to be, the Lord will provide for our needs, the Lord will heal our next child like He has so faithfully healed E. We will all be okay because we are doing what we feel the Lord has asked of us.