This is my first post in June, but I have some good reasons, folks. They involve disclosure meetings with social workers, a crazy amount of day trips to NorCal, and an almost-weeklong visit with our possible new addition.
This fost-adopt is such different business than international adoption. It's so strange to me to take a child into your home and into your heart and yet still not know if you get to always be their mommy or if that blessed task will fall to someone else.
We thought we would get our little guy for good after a hearing yesterday morning, which we thought would approve out-of-county placement. We thought. Instead another hearing was scheduled for next week with requests for more information, and another three-night-long visitation was arranged.
I am forcing myself to enjoy the two days before we pick him up again as a little patch of "I know how to do this one kid thing" before re-entering the whirlwind of "Two toddlers? How do you make two toddlers work?" We made it work, but I will confess it involved a sink overflowing with dishes for days on end, tantrums, meltdowns in the bathtub, and the flu that just wouldn't leave.
This morning I tore a piece of paper out of a magazine. It was part of an ad for the brand Philosophy, but that's rather irrelevant. It reads, "Hope colors all things beautiful." I'm going to tape it to my bathroom mirror because today I'm feeling the need to be a little bit inspired. And today, hope is what I'll cling to amidst reassurances from social workers whom I know can't really promise me anything.
May hope color your day beautiful, too.