Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I'm a good listener...
I'm a good listener, but I'm not a good sharer. I have always been great at listening. People have always told me their struggles and deemed me as trustworthy with the nitty gritty. But I don't share much myself. It's always been hard for me.
I think the Lord is teaching me to be more open and vulnerable right now. I'm realizing how much I keep inside or just between me and my husband. I have my reasons. Don't we all?
Part of it stems from being a pastor's wife in all honesty. It can be very isolating because your husband is part of the behind-the-scenes of church and that's not always done all that well and it's not always all that healthy. Yet, it's not really appropriate to share that stuff with anyone.
Part of it stems from being an adoptive mom. My kids have hard stories and I find it incredibly important to protect those stories and their privacy; to let them decide, as they get older, who knows what about their lives. Yet, I'm realizing their stories are my story now, too. I carry those stories around and they are burdensome. It's hard to carry them around all by ourselves. There are aspects of their stories that we struggle with every day, and to not be able to talk to anyone about it is probably not healthy.
God has recently put us in a group of people who meet once a week at a home to share what we're dealing with and to pray for each other. And I feel like we need to just jump in and trust those people and be honest with them. God has also recently put me in a group of women who meet once a week and I feel like I need to be real and honest with them, too. I'm tired of carrying weighty stuff just between me and Chris. It's too burdensome. We are meant to share each others' burdens and cares. And I think I need to learn that I have to share my own as well as help carry others'.
Is this hard for you, too? What helps you be more honest and vulnerable?