Thursday, January 15, 2015

Don't Take It Personally



They tell us not to take it personally.  Heck, I even tell other people not to take it personally. 

But when our kids from hard places yell that they hate you, that they wish you weren't their mom, that they're not a part of this family anymore, when they hit you, when they throw something at you...it's hard NOT to take it personally.  Are you with me, adoptive parents?

True confession.  I've always taken it personally.  Every time.  It's my human nature.  It's my mom nature.  Truth be told, it hurts every time. 

Sure, I reason it out in my head.  I remind myself that he doesn't really mean it, that what he's going through really has nothing to do with me.  I remind myself that he takes most of it out on me because he's actually closest to me and because he feels safest with me and because he trusts me more than anyone else.

But it still feels personal.  It still stings in a very personal spot.

There was a period of time where these not-to-be-taken-personally-things happened every day in my house.  We're not in that season anymore, Hallelujah!, but sometimes it rears its ugly head again. 

And so I sit here remembering the mom in the trenches today.  The one who's heard those hurtful words every day for a while now and everyone tells her not to take it personally. 

To you, mom in the trenches, I want to say, it's okay to take it personally.  It's natural.  It's normal.  It's okay to feel it and to be hurt by it. 

But then, pull yourself up out of that place.  Remind yourself that it really has nothing to do with you.  That it's really not about you.  That he doesn't actually feel that way toward you.  Ask your partner to remind you of those things as well.  Go through all the "clichés" because they're actually true. 

And even if he does truly hate you today, one day he won't. 

One day you won't live in that season any more.  You will probably still visit it from time to time, like I did the other day, but you won't live there anymore.

Hold on to that hope today.  And may God bless you.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, Laurel! It is SO hard NOT to take it personally. I too am grateful to not live in that season anymore... because that season where everyday is a struggle is so, so taxing. Visiting from time to time is a great reminder of how far we've grown... both of us!
I'm grateful for your blog and your gentle reminders of the past and hope for the big future ahead :)
~Elizabeth

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